LIFE: Twitter

I've gone tweeting instead of blogging of late. That and immersing myself in writing my first book, Mothers Work. If you're a working mum I'd love to know how the back-to-work experience is for you. Join in at http://motherswork.wordpress.com and come tweet with me - 'jesschivers'.

MONTHLY MIND MOVER - Grit & Grey

Aloha! Welcome, welcome. How are you? Apologies for the depressive sounding title for this month's mailing. It's a reflection of my theme for the year. Hmm, that doesn't sound much better does it? Let me explain and hopefully I'll inspire you to develop your own theme for 2010.

This time last year I shared with you my passion for 'DSD' not' NYR' ('Do Something Different' v New Year Resolutions). And so with DSD being my theme for 2009 I had a week of not spending; a week of random acts of kindness and we produced a film for our friends instead of sending Christmas cards and watched the favourite films of people we respect and admire. There was much, much more as well. It was fun, it was interesting and I learned things about myself and others. You can read about my experiences under a number of the 'Life' posts on my 'blog.

Building on what I wrote in last month's Here's a Thought mailing (about all or nothing/black and white thinking) I decided a good personal stretch for me would be to try and see more 'grey' in the world. I don't mean that I shall take off my rosy spectacles or that I intend to go looking for gloom but that I'm going to try and see more options, especially when it comes to personal challenges.

For instance, I have always been put off doing a half marathon (despite my husband and others repeatedly telling me I could do one tomorrow) because I fear I would not be able to keep running all the way. It hadn't occured to me (until I adopted my grey mindset) that it would be OK to walk part of the way if I needed to and the goal could be just to get round the course, not to do it in a personally brilliant time. I will add as a disclaimer that this doesn't mean I am necessarily doing a half marathon* any time soon because - and this brings me to the 'grit' part of my theme for 2010 - I have another personal challenge aready this year which is to complete my first book, Mothers Work.

'Grit' is a personal strength I began to read about last year after hearing Professor Martin Seligman (the psychologist credited with starting the positive psychology movement) talk in London. I recognise I really do need up to strengthen my perserverance or 'grit' muscle if I am to complete my book and get it published. If you are curious, you can take Prof Seligman's grit survey (it is free, although you need to register).

So there it is, "Grit & Grey" the theme for my year. Sounds a bit more inspiring now I've explained it? What might your theme be? Why not try choosing something that synchronises with a goal you'd like to achieve? Or pick something that might help strengthen a relationship with a particular person or people?

*I have tentative plans to do my first triatholon in St Albans in June if anyone fancies joining me. Might commit to a half marathon after the book.

What are you taking away this month?
Theming your year could help you weave personal development into your life every day. Or it might just be fun.

PSYCHOLOGY/LIFE: Frugality & Gift Giving

Friend Professor Karen Pine, has been researching the psychology of gift-giving and she's found amongst other things that a tell-tale sign of someone not liking our gift choice is their moving the object out of sight. We just can't bare to look at bad presents apparently. Took Mr Chivers for part of his Christmas present yesterday which was Tim Harford's School of Life sermon on frugality. How very reassuring to listen to Tim telling us about why not to bother writing Christmas cards, or at least not the kind of Christmas cards people usually send. Well what's the point unless you personalise - think about it, do you like receiving Christmas cards that simply have a name in it? He took the mickey out of the few of us (I raised my hand) that send a 'newsletter' with our cards but then admitted he does the same and actually it's because people do like receiving them. Another a bit of research I've heard bandied about quite a bit at the moment is the 20% value gap when we give gifts. Apparently on average people rate gifts as worth (in financial terms) only 80% of what the buyer paid for them. Time Harford shared this little nugget too and went on to discuss why we should and shouldn't bother giving gifts. Personally I find the psychology of gift giving very interesting. Whether we find it easy or very difficult to buy a gift for someone I think says an awful lot about our relationship with them. I think it can be a useful barometer of a relationship and whether we want our need to invest more time in it rather than invest more time agonising over what to buy the person in question.

PSYCHOLOGY: Making Change Fun

How's about encouraging people to change their behaviour by making it fun in the moment? 66% more people took the stairs over the escalator when the stairs were turned into a giant piano. - watch "Escada Piano" on YouTube (less than 2 mins view time). This is real world psychology at it's best. What if we could all make the changes we most want or need to make in our lives, more fun? What do you need to change?

Whilst you're on YouTube, check out my latest film about having fun and being happy - "Jessica Chivers with Rock Choir"

PSYCHOLOGY: Body Image Shocker

Thumbing through the London Evening Standard on Tuesday night was cheered by header "London girls happy with their body image." Thought the use of 'girls' was probably akin to my use of 'girls' in mass e-mails to my thirty and forty-something pals. Was then appalled to discover girls as young as seven had been surveyed by the Girl Guides (as part of its centenary celebrations no less) on how they feel about their bodies. What an absolute disgrace. The Girl Guides should know better, and if they don't who does? If there's one way to get girls thinking about how they feel about their bodies it's to sew the seed that it's something they should be thinking about. At seven girls shouldn't have 'feelings' about their bodies. It's just plain wrong. Am I supposed to be happy that "...almost one third said they were 'very happy' with the way they looked, against 20 percent nationally." Well I'm not. I've got a one year old daughter who'll be seven before I know it and I absolutely don't want anyone surveying her feelings about her body. And what about the other two thirds? How do they feel about their bodies. Let's leave body image alone because chances are, if we stop talking about it in such a mass-market way, some of the issues might go away of their own accord. As Elle "The Body" MacPherson commented recently "When I'm obsessing about the outside it means I'm unhappy on the inside. I've learnt you can't fix the way you feel by fixing the shell." I applaud her honesty. Do check out the good work done by b-eat.

PSYCHOLOGY: Happy Mothers

Not content with 'blogging I've taken to broadcasting myself too (check out "Happy Mothers" on YouTube). There is so much interesting positive psychology out there that I felt it was time to take little nuggets to the world in more than one way. I've started by discussing the idea that mothers need to prioritise their own happiness as it is essential for a happy family. Research back in the 80's suggested that mothers who express positive emotions, have infants who express positive emotions (Haviland and Lelwica) and we know that happier people have more pleasurable and more successful social interactions than less happy people. It's also recognised scientifically and anecdotally that when we feel good, we do good - we have more to give other people when we feel engaged and content.

PSYCHOLOGY/LIFE: Life X3

Went to a play called "Life X3" (Abbey Theatre, St Albans) last night which brought to life an idea that often crops up when I'm coaching, namely that our behaviour shapes other people's behaviour. Examining other people's responses and attitudes in light of our actions and attitudes can be enlightening - if we're open to it. Life X3 portrayed two middle-class couples living in Paris having a dinner party that wasn't supposed to happen until the following evening. The hosts were mid-row (owing to their six year old son not settling down to sleep and parents disagreeing about how best to remedy this) when the second couple rang the doorbell. Social anxieties played out in three different versions of events and each time subtle positive changes came about in the behaviour of each person thanks to the other characters behaving more generously or supportively. The play also highlighted what difference it makes when parents team-up, support each other and present a united front to their children. The Army said it best - "The Team Works."