“I’m starting work next week and I’m really scared. I know in my heart I’m a good teacher but I feel so rusty,” confided Lucy this week. And she’s not alone, who hasn’t felt a bit worried or even sick at the thought of going back to work – or doing anything that puts our ego on the line - when it’s been a while?
In the run up to my first corporate workshop after my son was born I remember spending too much time thinking and agonising about it, and on the day, feeling like an impostor. It probably didn’t help that my mind was full of doubt, and swimming with thoughts of embarrassing myself and ‘what if I don’t know what to say’ scenarios. Probably a lot like Lucy and maybe you at some point in your life? Yes, even the most ‘sorted’ women experience this. It’s NORMAL!
I googled “getting rid of rust” to check the chemistry and ease of rust removal before I started drawing parallels between smelly orange metal stuff and the mental ‘rust’ I’m chatting on about and happily found that iron oxide removal is indeed relatively straight-forward. I know you’re a bright woman but let me say it anyway: Just like metal rust, removing our mental rust needn’t be too difficult. We’re off to an encouraging start, yes?
Albert Ellis, the revered psychologist generally acknowledged as the founder of cognitive-behavioural therapies - and in particular, ‘rational emotive therapy’ - developed a useful tool for mental rust-busting niftily remembered as ‘ABC’. Lots of models from psychotherapy are useful to ‘normal’ or non-clinical populations in our every day lives. ABC = Activating event, Belief, emotional Consequence.
In Ellis’ terms, Lucy’s feeling scared came in response (emotional Consequence) to her thinking that she had been out of the classroom too long to know what she was doing (Belief) and that thought was uppermost in her mind because she’s about to go back to work (Activating event). Essentially, what Ellis is saying is that our beliefs shape how we feel and crucially, we can change those beliefs to change how we feel. What do you think? Is there somewhere you could use that in your life right now? At work? In a relationship? To feel more confident about committing to an idea you’d like to put into action? To help you through a period of change?
When Lucy amended her belief to incorporate the idea that being out of the classroom had given her other useful skills and a fresh perspective, her emotional consequence was to feel more optimistic and sure of herself. She even began to imagine her first encounter with the pupils as enjoyable.
Other things Lucy and I talked about included the idea that rust quickly shifts once you get going and like riding a bike, she might feel a bit wobbly and off-balance to begin with, but she’d soon feel steady and able. We talked about the future and what she might do differently if there was a ‘next time'.’ We came up with ideas such as keeping in better touch with role-models (other teachers doing a good job with good experiences to share); finding ways to use her classroom skills outside school and maintaining contact with young people the age she currently teaches. All these things would lessen the sense of rust and help her feel more positive and happy about going back to the classroom.
What are you taking away this month?
Examining your thoughts and your self-talk and making small changes where necessary can help you feel more positive, self-assured and confident about any new endeavours or 'comebacks' you might want to make in your life. See the "PSYCHOLOGY: Positive Self-Statements" posting on this 'blog (September 16th 2009) for more on the psychology of self-talk.
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