Wednesday, 28 October 2009
PSYCHOLOGY: Happy Mothers
Not content with 'blogging I've taken to broadcasting myself too (check out "Happy Mothers" on YouTube). There is so much interesting positive psychology out there that I felt it was time to take little nuggets to the world in more than one way. I've started by discussing the idea that mothers need to prioritise their own happiness as it is essential for a happy family. Research back in the 80's suggested that mothers who express positive emotions, have infants who express positive emotions (Haviland and Lelwica) and we know that happier people have more pleasurable and more successful social interactions than less happy people. It's also recognised scientifically and anecdotally that when we feel good, we do good - we have more to give other people when we feel engaged and content.
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
PSYCHOLOGY/LIFE: Life X3
Went to a play called "Life X3" (Abbey Theatre, St Albans) last night which brought to life an idea that often crops up when I'm coaching, namely that our behaviour shapes other people's behaviour. Examining other people's responses and attitudes in light of our actions and attitudes can be enlightening - if we're open to it. Life X3 portrayed two middle-class couples living in Paris having a dinner party that wasn't supposed to happen until the following evening. The hosts were mid-row (owing to their six year old son not settling down to sleep and parents disagreeing about how best to remedy this) when the second couple rang the doorbell. Social anxieties played out in three different versions of events and each time subtle positive changes came about in the behaviour of each person thanks to the other characters behaving more generously or supportively. The play also highlighted what difference it makes when parents team-up, support each other and present a united front to their children. The Army said it best - "The Team Works."
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
PSYCHOLOGY: Deprioritise the news
Do you read a national daily paper? Watch or listen to the news? Follow news streaming on t'internet? Well, maybe for a week, don't bother. And notice what it does for you. At the annual British Adacdemy/British Psychological Society lecture on Tuesday night a question from the audience to Martin Seligman (giver of lecture, "Father of positive psychology") asked whether national news coverage should include positive stories to redress the balance of bad news. Seligman replied without hesitation that he doesn't believe in media manipulation. Then followed a discussion about how readily available bad news is and how we hear it constantly owing to living in a global village. I genuinely believe that by not reading a daily paper, avoiding news on TV and switching from any other radio station to BBC Radio 1 on the hour (it is one of the few stations that doesn't play news on the hour)we are doing a good thing for our mental health and we become no less ignorant for it. News somehow gets inside us without having to pay particular attention anyway. I remember Joanna Lumley talking in that uber sexy voice of hers about the lack of news during her 'Girl Friday' experience as one of the most positive aspects of her time marooned on the island.
So why is news so bad for us? It gives a skewed impression of what life is like, paying way too much attention to the negative events that can occur in life. Thanks to national and international news it could be easy to believe that rape, murder and natural catastrophes, for instance, are something that all of us are likely to experience within our local circle of friends and family. In reality, these things are very unlikely to happen to us. Secondly, bad news makes us feel helpless because we can't do anything to alleviate the suffering of the people whose stories we hear. If you're going to read a paper, far better to make it your local freebie rag than anything else. The reporting is more balanced and we're mote likely to be able to help do something about the unhappy stories we read.
So why is news so bad for us? It gives a skewed impression of what life is like, paying way too much attention to the negative events that can occur in life. Thanks to national and international news it could be easy to believe that rape, murder and natural catastrophes, for instance, are something that all of us are likely to experience within our local circle of friends and family. In reality, these things are very unlikely to happen to us. Secondly, bad news makes us feel helpless because we can't do anything to alleviate the suffering of the people whose stories we hear. If you're going to read a paper, far better to make it your local freebie rag than anything else. The reporting is more balanced and we're mote likely to be able to help do something about the unhappy stories we read.
Monday, 5 October 2009
MONTHLY MIND MOVER: Rust Busting
“I’m starting work next week and I’m really scared. I know in my heart I’m a good teacher but I feel so rusty,” confided Lucy this week. And she’s not alone, who hasn’t felt a bit worried or even sick at the thought of going back to work – or doing anything that puts our ego on the line - when it’s been a while?
In the run up to my first corporate workshop after my son was born I remember spending too much time thinking and agonising about it, and on the day, feeling like an impostor. It probably didn’t help that my mind was full of doubt, and swimming with thoughts of embarrassing myself and ‘what if I don’t know what to say’ scenarios. Probably a lot like Lucy and maybe you at some point in your life? Yes, even the most ‘sorted’ women experience this. It’s NORMAL!
I googled “getting rid of rust” to check the chemistry and ease of rust removal before I started drawing parallels between smelly orange metal stuff and the mental ‘rust’ I’m chatting on about and happily found that iron oxide removal is indeed relatively straight-forward. I know you’re a bright woman but let me say it anyway: Just like metal rust, removing our mental rust needn’t be too difficult. We’re off to an encouraging start, yes?
Albert Ellis, the revered psychologist generally acknowledged as the founder of cognitive-behavioural therapies - and in particular, ‘rational emotive therapy’ - developed a useful tool for mental rust-busting niftily remembered as ‘ABC’. Lots of models from psychotherapy are useful to ‘normal’ or non-clinical populations in our every day lives. ABC = Activating event, Belief, emotional Consequence.
In Ellis’ terms, Lucy’s feeling scared came in response (emotional Consequence) to her thinking that she had been out of the classroom too long to know what she was doing (Belief) and that thought was uppermost in her mind because she’s about to go back to work (Activating event). Essentially, what Ellis is saying is that our beliefs shape how we feel and crucially, we can change those beliefs to change how we feel. What do you think? Is there somewhere you could use that in your life right now? At work? In a relationship? To feel more confident about committing to an idea you’d like to put into action? To help you through a period of change?
When Lucy amended her belief to incorporate the idea that being out of the classroom had given her other useful skills and a fresh perspective, her emotional consequence was to feel more optimistic and sure of herself. She even began to imagine her first encounter with the pupils as enjoyable.
Other things Lucy and I talked about included the idea that rust quickly shifts once you get going and like riding a bike, she might feel a bit wobbly and off-balance to begin with, but she’d soon feel steady and able. We talked about the future and what she might do differently if there was a ‘next time'.’ We came up with ideas such as keeping in better touch with role-models (other teachers doing a good job with good experiences to share); finding ways to use her classroom skills outside school and maintaining contact with young people the age she currently teaches. All these things would lessen the sense of rust and help her feel more positive and happy about going back to the classroom.
What are you taking away this month?
Examining your thoughts and your self-talk and making small changes where necessary can help you feel more positive, self-assured and confident about any new endeavours or 'comebacks' you might want to make in your life. See the "PSYCHOLOGY: Positive Self-Statements" posting on this 'blog (September 16th 2009) for more on the psychology of self-talk.
In the run up to my first corporate workshop after my son was born I remember spending too much time thinking and agonising about it, and on the day, feeling like an impostor. It probably didn’t help that my mind was full of doubt, and swimming with thoughts of embarrassing myself and ‘what if I don’t know what to say’ scenarios. Probably a lot like Lucy and maybe you at some point in your life? Yes, even the most ‘sorted’ women experience this. It’s NORMAL!
I googled “getting rid of rust” to check the chemistry and ease of rust removal before I started drawing parallels between smelly orange metal stuff and the mental ‘rust’ I’m chatting on about and happily found that iron oxide removal is indeed relatively straight-forward. I know you’re a bright woman but let me say it anyway: Just like metal rust, removing our mental rust needn’t be too difficult. We’re off to an encouraging start, yes?
Albert Ellis, the revered psychologist generally acknowledged as the founder of cognitive-behavioural therapies - and in particular, ‘rational emotive therapy’ - developed a useful tool for mental rust-busting niftily remembered as ‘ABC’. Lots of models from psychotherapy are useful to ‘normal’ or non-clinical populations in our every day lives. ABC = Activating event, Belief, emotional Consequence.
In Ellis’ terms, Lucy’s feeling scared came in response (emotional Consequence) to her thinking that she had been out of the classroom too long to know what she was doing (Belief) and that thought was uppermost in her mind because she’s about to go back to work (Activating event). Essentially, what Ellis is saying is that our beliefs shape how we feel and crucially, we can change those beliefs to change how we feel. What do you think? Is there somewhere you could use that in your life right now? At work? In a relationship? To feel more confident about committing to an idea you’d like to put into action? To help you through a period of change?
When Lucy amended her belief to incorporate the idea that being out of the classroom had given her other useful skills and a fresh perspective, her emotional consequence was to feel more optimistic and sure of herself. She even began to imagine her first encounter with the pupils as enjoyable.
Other things Lucy and I talked about included the idea that rust quickly shifts once you get going and like riding a bike, she might feel a bit wobbly and off-balance to begin with, but she’d soon feel steady and able. We talked about the future and what she might do differently if there was a ‘next time'.’ We came up with ideas such as keeping in better touch with role-models (other teachers doing a good job with good experiences to share); finding ways to use her classroom skills outside school and maintaining contact with young people the age she currently teaches. All these things would lessen the sense of rust and help her feel more positive and happy about going back to the classroom.
What are you taking away this month?
Examining your thoughts and your self-talk and making small changes where necessary can help you feel more positive, self-assured and confident about any new endeavours or 'comebacks' you might want to make in your life. See the "PSYCHOLOGY: Positive Self-Statements" posting on this 'blog (September 16th 2009) for more on the psychology of self-talk.
Sunday, 4 October 2009
LIFE: Singing boosts happiness II
Third week of Rock Choir and my voice hangs in the balance and I'm seriously concerned I'm going to be the token muppet who stands out for all the wrong reasons when we go public in November. Now I thought I was going to be singing on a Thursday night, turns out we're 'performing' and that means moving our bodies and clicking our fingers as well as learning harmonies. Blooming Nora, no way, I thought but managed to hold my tongue and not admit defeat aloud. But when I woke with a shockingly sore throat at 1.20am this morning the thought of (not) being able to sing the alto harmony to "You can't hurry love" and move my body in desired direction and click my fingers on the off-beat was uppermost in my mind. Nooooooooooooo.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)