Monthly Mind-Mover -The 'F' Word:

This post is a copy of my monthly mind-moving mailout and you can subscribe for free here.

Last week a friend of mine recounted a tale of bordeom-by-powerpoint by a chap who claims to know a thing or two about body language (how ironic then that he failed to respond to the crossed arms and glazed eyes). When said friend compared notes with other colleagues all agreed the presenter needed to up his game, especially since the meeting equated to 25 (lost?) business hours. "So what did you do?" I asked my friend. "I gave him feedback" she said with a strained look on her face.

This month then, six suggestions about how to handle those can-be-awkward conversations (and a request to help with some coaching research, too).

GIVING feedback

1. If you cringe at the thought of saying 'feedback,' release the grimace and reach for your thesaurus. Don't let the 'f' word get in the way of letting someone know how they could be doing something better/differently, especially if the commercial/emotional stakes are high.

2. Stand in their shoes before doling out constructive feedback. Amongst other things this means getting the timing right, doing it in a way they're likely to be comfortable with and just trying to see the world from their POV. Clients who've done this before opening their mouths say it makes a difference to the tone, content and outcome of their conversations.

3. Take some responsibility for helping the person you're giving feedback to (be they a new member of your team who's slow to get the hang of 'how we do things round here', a waitress serving under-par food in your favourite restaurant or a partner who doesn't seem to listen to what you say) make things better. People are far more likely to change if you describe positive possibilities ("Just think how much better things would be if XXXX" or "Imagine what could happen if XXX") rather than just bang on about what they did that you didn't like. If you've got the time and inclination to give them a hand in making a change then do it.

RECEIVING feedback

4. I once worked with a chap who headed up the customer relations team of a large retail organisation and he likened complaints to gifts. Without digressing into jokes about birthday and Christmas celebrations at his house, his logic goes something like this. If a customer bothers to tell you they don't like something - and better still, has some ideas of what you should be doing instead - then you're barmy not to thank them because that's invaluable free info you can use to develop your business for the better. Many customers vote with their feet and never bother to verbalise what they don't like, so if someone takes the time to give us feedback then, we probably want to thank them for it.

5. Be ready to listen, especially if you asked for feedback (360 degree feedback anyone?). A case in point is the perpetual "Is everything OK with your meal?" patter we get in most restaurants these days followed almost always by an awkard pause and dumb-founded look if you come back with anything more detailed than "yes, fine thanks."

6. Dig deeper to understand properly. If you're unsure what they mean, ask for examples. If you disagree, think before you respond, especially if the relationship is important.

What are you taking away this month?
Whatever you call it 'feedback' is an important part of any relationship. GIve it with the best possible intentions and it becomes easier and more comfortable for both of you. Recommended reading: Chapter called 'My honest opinion' in Wake Your Mind Up by The Mind Gym.